Fussy about Food...

Well....its not the first time that I've been labelled as that. The first time it happened was when I was visiting this great friend in San Diego earlier this year (2006) and I was being picky about the food I ate. That trip, I was cribbing about everything, about how bored I was, about how I didnt want to eat in an Indian restaurant, about how I didnt want to go to the beach and so on and so forth...

The trip was the lousiest that I've ever had. My friend - she was absolutely pissed at me because I had become this cranky baby - cribbing about everything, but she was amazingly resilent and put up with all my fussiness (if there is such a word). And thanks to her for that :-).

Anyways, coming back to the point, she told me I was fussy about food. She remarked that I would be unable to adjust to a new food taste - some taste that I am not accustomed to! Yes that is very very true. I'm a vegetarian and although I love eating, it has to taste right for me. Only if it tastes right, will I be able call it delicious. If I force myself to eat what does not taste right, I end up puking!!

Yes its true, has happened with me many-a-times. And the first sign I get that I might puke, I stop. I consider it as a warning sign. I stop eating that thing immediately and whatever's left of it goes waste.

The earliest incident that I can remember about it is in school (about 3rd or 4th standard) I used to share my "dabba" with my friends and there was this girl who once got Marie biscuits. So as usual, we gathered together during recess and started eating our "dabbas". She took some stuff from my "dabba" and I took some of her Marie biscuits. I started eating them and I still remember, they tasted a bit oily. (In fact I can still recollect that taste)

Although they tasted wierd, I saw others eating the biscuits very calmly and scrumptuously. Seeing that, I forced myself to eat them. I stuffed one in my mouth and before I could chew, stuffed another one in my mouth. Thats was it!! The first bit that I swallowed, just came-out and I spat everything in my mouth in my hand. (Yes you read it right...in my hand...I didnt dirty the floor)

I just ran off to the toilet, cleaned my hands and my mouth and went back to my class and didnt eat anything else until I got home.

Maybe, its a bit psychological, in the sense that - each time I eat something that does not taste right, I am reminded of that oily taste and hence, after a few bites, I am unable to relish it further. Since that day, I've always refrained from eating other classmates' "dabbas". A habit which I carried upto engineering.

During engineering, I used to share my "dabba" with all my friends and a group of 12-dabbas used to get eaten up in about 4-5 minutes by a group of 12 voracious eaters, something that can be likened to a pack of hyenas feasting on a kill. That was the time, when I slowly started eating other's "dabbas" again, that too because, just eating mine, I used to get very little to eat and hunger started getting the better of me!! :-))

Even today, I'm a bit skeptical about eating stuff made/cooked by other people (quite evident by the fact that I didnt eat the Dal prepared by my roomie - someone who rarely cooks - here in the US, just because I wasnt sure if it would taste right).

A perfect example of the saying - OLD HABITS DIE HARD!!!

Mind Reading

I've been meaning to post about this for quite a while now and its just that it keeps getting postponed and postponed. But I'll finally relent and go ahead and post it.

Many-a-times I do get overwhelmed by the Vastness, by the Capabilities, by the Unknown. It seems so inexplicable, so unreal, so unbelivable. I'm talking about the power of the human mind. Its ability to think, to act, to react, to make-believe, to imagine. The power is unsurpassed, unparalleled, unknown.

Even as I type this post, there are a zillion thoughts going through my mind. And I'm just trying to list them out here as they come. I'm thinking the following in the specific order.

1. How do I compose this statement properly so that it just feels right, feels correct to be read.
2. Should I give numbers to each thought/statement I write.
3. Will it be read by anyone.
4. What will they think, when they read it.
5. Will anyone close to me or anyone from home read it.
6. I wanted to speak to my mom and tell her that I purchased a new laptop, but I wasnt bcoz she was asleep.
7. The laptop keyboard layout is a bit wierd, I'm being forced to search for the keys.
8. Especially not used to the Home and End keys being down and not up.
9. In that sense my office laptop was better and I had adjusted to the keyboard well.
10. I gotto go to the office tomorrow to finish off some pending work.

Okay, why am I posting this, is that its absolutely amazing how the mind links one thought to the next and the one after that and on and on and on....Its like a chain reaction. If you see the thoughts from 1 to 10, you can discern the link.

The thought process started off with my current activity i.e. writing a blog. Then it moved on to the framing of the sentences and the structure and then to who would be reading it and then to whether anyone from home will read it.

The mind then latches on to the keyword home and subconsciously thinks about the fact that I had called up home before writing this post and I was not able to tell my mom about the laptop. Then the thought moves on to the laptop itself because my hands were fumbling with the keys (they still are). The mind then latches on to the fact that the hands are not comfortable on the keyboard of the new laptop. And why it is not comfortable, because of the improper positioning of certain keys.

Which keyboard layout was ideal? And the mind answers that question by thinking about the laptop given by the office which my hands were used to. The mind now picks up the key-word office and then "thinks" about work to be done...blah...blah...blah...

Wow...that took such a long time to type, but the thought process was just 10 seconds, maybe less. And whilst typing as well the mind wandered quite a bit, to my last orkut post about Handel and Hallelujah, about this lady from Orkut who wrote in her reply to my comment that she was unable to post any comments on my post, about this other lady in orkut who had said that she identified herself with one of the posts I'd posted on this blog.

Even now as I type this, my mind is working very very hard to actually pause the thought which the mind was "thinking" so that my hands could type that. And that my mind is saying to me that the temples on the side of my forehead are starting to ache and that I should stop doing this activity of recording my thoughts....STOP! STOP!

But what is this mind and what is me?? I dont know....I absolutely have no clue....

I think I should just fall off to sleep right now....its tooo much of mind-reading for one-time. Atleast try to sleep because...its 05:40 am in the morning and there's still no sign of any sleep.

This is an interesting exercise, will do it again some other time....Adios!!

My Caricature

Yeah...its me alright. This was done in San Diego when I was visting a very good friend of mine. Together, we went to the San Diego Zoo and there I saw this artist sitting and doing some amazingly funny potraits of people. That enthused me and I went and got mine done.

And the result is here for you to see. I'm gonna be using this in my Orkut profile too. Hope people like it. And by the way...the B&W effect is the magic of image editing software.

And Again...

Yipeeee....Its Me!!

Googol Dollar Question

Well, I had intended to post about something else, but I think the time not yet ripe for that one. I'll let that thought mature and take shape while I go ahead and quite literally "pen my thoughts"

My typical style of blogging is as if I am talking to myself. Its sort of an introspection of events that are happening around me of which I am a part of. My actions, my words, my deeds and everything that concerns..well ME! No, I am not a narcissist. The best way I can describe this approach is to understand myself better. And MAYBE to a certain extent self improvement.

Ah! There you go, my train of thought changes tracks again! But I think I'll continue on this one and come back to the 2nd one later.

Well, life is all about making decisions, some are tough, some are easy. Sometimes I do dwell on why I do act in a certain way. A simple case being, today when I spoke to my roommate.

This guy is my colleague of 5 years. I admire him for his work, and I am very good friends with him. He has a laptop but the internet does not work on his machine. So, he was using one of the company provided laptops. Now this is a very trivial thing. But, out of the blue I told him that he will have to give up the laptop since it might go to my boss who's gonna come in Saturday.

He said its okay and continued working. This somehow made me repeat the statement and my friend, he retorted back - "Haan pata hai" - in a manner that was a bit disdainful. Now the googol dollar question is what made me repeat my statement. Actually, my made-up answer to him was "I actually told you so that you can remove your personal data from that." But, thats my console-myself-at-making-an-error kind of statement.

Did I make the 2nd statement because I had this sudden rush of anger of him using the laptop? Now, why would I get that? And that is what I am not able to understand. Its strange isnt it, me not being able to understand myself?

I'm still pondering....on...and on....and on....and on....

Time for Thought

Oh Moi God...I cant believe that its more than a year since my first blog post. Time flies so fast. So much has happened since then. The really bad rains in Mumbai, the change of client and project on my work front, the partial interest in MBA, my first new house in Mumbai, my first long term US trip, reunion with friends in the US, Sister's engagement, bomb blasts in Mumbai. Yeah definitely lots.

And now when I think back, what do I feel? Elated? Thinking that everything's gone according to plan? Dejected? Because everything's backfired? Happy? Because of what I've achieved? Sad? Because I've lost lots? Old? Because I'll be 30 soon? Young? Because I've still not fallen in love? What is it?

The honest answer is - I don't know. One thing that I certainly know is that I feel nostalgic and an infinitesimal amount of regret. Regret of what could have been and what is? Its the price you pay by living in the spur of the moment. But then, thats the way it is! Life.

Many-a-times, I really do wonder, what am I doing? What am I supposed to do? Why am I here for? What will it be when I am gone? Will my birth and death be just some date in a calender which will soon be forgotten? Oh My God! I dread that feeling. The epitaph on my grave might read - Here lies a poor soul who until his end searched for his life's purpose; And didn't find it! And that is my greatest fear. Not death but the fact that I might not have achieved anything in my life.

No..this post was not written under the influence of alchohol. Its my truest and most honest feeling. And I sincerely fear this!

And hence my prayer to the omnipotent, omnipowerful, almightly lord - Nainheen Ko Rah Dikha Prabhu! Tama Soma Jyotir Gamay! Dear Lord lead me from darkness to sunshine.

Friendship's come a full Circle.

Its interesting how life brings you around in a complete circle. You start off being the thickest of friends. Almost inseparable. Start sharing the deepest, darkest secrets, petty joys and sorrows, cries of anguish and ecstacy. You grow together - sometimes remembering - sometimes forgetting each other's birthdays.

You undertake your first stint at driving in your friends' car. Accompany each other for new year parties. Talk at lengths about the occult, mysteries of the world, rock music. Watch movies together, hang out and get to know each others' friends. Exchange gifts at house warming ceremonies, interact with each others' family. Accompany one on his first trip out of India.

All this and you might have thought - OH WOW, SUCH GREAT FRIENDS. But WAIT, there's a twist to it. You suddenly fall out of contact. Stop answering emails. Dont pick-up phone calls. Dont reply back to messages. And suddenly, you are transformed into two aliens, who once used to know each other. Its like one moment being the dearest of friends and the next moment (read 6 years hence) living absolutely like strangers who dont know and care about each other.

No..no..no. Life doesn't end there. It moves on! Only, you don't know where its leading. And then out of nowhere, a sudden twist of fate again. You suddenly come in contact with this same person, whom you'd known earlier. With whom you'd fallen out of contact and who you'd thought, you would never ever meet or remember again.

You end up talking for 30 minutes and appraise each other about all that has happened in the last 2-odd years of not being in contact. And it feels as if you were always in contact and never out of touch. Being out of touch puts you in a kind of a time-warp and when you feel that time has stood still when it comes to that particular person, until you come in contact with each other once again.

And when that happens, you, instead of hurling abuses at each other about the lack of contact, somehow learn to appreciate the fact that each one's pre-occupied with his/her own journey of life. And that your paths cross each other's for a brief period during which you experience great friendship and then the paths move on. Now, your paths might cross again or never again, or on the other hand your paths might always cris-cross regularly, whatever be the case its important for you to cherish and enjoy the experiences.

Yeah I know, great philosophical BULLS***, but its an honest opinion, confession, experience - call it what you want. This is exactly what I experienced yesterday when I came in contact with a very chum friend of mine.

And trust me, the feeling's great and I'm just basking and revelling in the sunlight of our rekindled friendship, for I dont know how long will this sunshine last. Might as well enjoy every moment of it while it lasts!!!

Emotionally Drained

The past whole week so so so very hectic that its left me energy sapped. Feel like I should just "chuck" everything and just sleep and sleep and sleep. It started off with Monday being a killer. Despite having taken substantial efforts to overcome all obstacles at work, what do I get? Just complaints that I'm not doing enough. Not just that, my manager gave me the impression that he does not have faith in me. One bold thing I did when this happened is that I told him that he can have me replaced if required.

Just to prove to him that I am slogging my ASS off here, I worked continuously from Monday 08:30 am - all through Tuesday - and continued until Wednesday morning 02:30 am. Thats more than 40 hours of work almost at a stretch. The thought then crossed myself, why should I prove to him that I work when I am clear in my conscience.

Middle of the week came a pleasant surprise, when I was given a bonus as an appreciation of my work in this project. Now I didnt see that coming and certainly didnt expect it, especially in the wake of what had happened in the earlier part of the week.

Soon it was Friday and I had to rush off to meet a very very good friend in the west coast of US. I had been looking forward to this ever since I'd come into the US. The trip started off well but as things progressed, everything wasnt what you'd call Hunky-Dory.

"Familiarity breeds contempt" is an old saying and it seemed to have come true during my trip. I would put the blame squarely on my shoulders. I should have behaved a bit more mature and not being childish, complaining about each and every small thing. And all this I did without realizing that I was actually commiting harakiri.

One thing which I did throughout the trip for which I really hate myself is wasting a Humungous amount of food. The reason, wasnt suited to my taste. The last day too, instead of staying within my limits and without knowing how big it would be, I ordered a Chicago deep dish pizza and ended up wasting 3 whole slices.

My mom would have murdered me had she been there with me. This was a totally unknowing mistake. I must say that I made a "superhuman" effort to finish off the other almost 4-5 (whatever) slices, but then after that I just gave up.

The problem with me is that in an effort to be a perfectionist and pleasing each and every one, I (many-a-times) end absolutely "screwing up". The trip back from the west coast was hectic too, in the sense that I had lotsa time and nothing to do which made me all the more frustrated.

Anyways, its the dawn of a new week and I really hope this week, I am much more relaxed. Adios!

Reunion with old friends

This extended looong weekend was absolutely amazing and there's only one reason for it. Reunion with old friends. Just didnt realize how quickly time flew. The 3 days seemed more like 3 hours. We've been friends since the second year of engineering i.e. since 1996. That makes it 10 years of unbroken friendship. And the 10-man team is still going strong.

The team's largely separated now by geographical distances but the will to bind with each other is extremely strong amongst all of us. Right now, there are 5 of us in the USA, 2 in Dallas, 1 in Charlotte, 1 near Chicago and 1 (that's me) in Florida and the 4 of us met in Disneyland in Florida.

Most of the daytime during the last 3 days was spent either driving or walking in Disneyland. The nights were reserved for special group talks, with a bottle of beer or smirnoff or any other form of alcohol. The DP as we like to call it, is something absolutely special and I look forward to it each time we meet.

Its a "reveal-it-all-no-holes-barred" forum where each one blurts his heart out, opening a Pandora's box and unearthing the deepest, darkest secrets and everyone listens intently and at times shockingly to the revelations. This time too we had such a thing. And if you're thinking this post is about to reveal-all, think again.

The post is about a feeling of emptiness, a feeling of void, a feeling of loneliness, a feeling to reach out to friends, a feeling to re-live the moments shared. Right now I'm feeling just like when you get a hang-over after a wild drunk night.

Although I was at the receiving end of all the jokes cracked during the trip, I enjoyed each and every moment and now when our short reunion is over, I'm missing the jokes, I'm missing the DP, I'm missing the senti-talks. To put it simply, I'm missing my friends. I really am!

Maybe its the infrequent happenings of such events that make me look forward to such reunions. No maybe not, because I'm pretty sure if such reunions were to happen regularly, I'd still enjoy it as much as I did during the 3 days. But, given the practical constraints such regular reunions will remain just a desire.

At the end of it all the bottom-line is that I love my friends a lot. I miss them desperately and absolutely cant live without them. Love you guys! Thanks for staying with me and supporting me always!

When I'm drunk

When I'm drunk,
1. I always try to call up some of my friend whom I consider very dear and rant about my life and my deepest feelings about my family.
2. I miss my family very much.
3. I listen to songs which have a touch of melancholy.
4. I DONT blog, instead harp out all my feelings to a close and dear friend.
5. Fear death or fear the pain of losing someone close to me.
6. Want someone who can take all my sorrows and just ease my pains.
7. I just want to fall off to sleep
And these are the things that I want to do now. COS I'm drunk!!!

Random Meanderings !

Its 04:40 am here right now, worked until 03:00 and some haphazard browsing thereafter, the outcome - this blog post. I do sometimes get bogged down when I see other people who I feel are more creative than I am. I feel like a nondescript, non-creative, unimaginative, creature living on this planet that has a plethora of unfathomable talent and I dont even have an infinitesimal percent of it.

Whist, I'm pondering this, I am reminded of this amazing quote by Einstein which reminds us all, how trivial we are in this universe. The quote goes like this...

"My religion consists of a humble admiration,
of the illimitable superior spirit who,
reveals himself in the slight details,
we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind"

I was not able to remember the quote perfectly, but when I googled on it, I found this one. Interesting ! I had thought it (the quote) ended with "narrow and feeble mind".

The thought depresses me.

And the mind meanders again into wilderness like the bee ever in search of nectar, so is the mind searching for more "thought-provoking" flowers to ponder on.

Start 23:00..Reach 17:00..The 25 hour joy ride...

I've been here in Sunny Florida for just about a couple of months now and I'm just about getting used to life in the US. Seeing the lifestyle here, I think to myself - "Man these guys rely so much on cars for just about everything". You tend to feel that you are incapacitated when you dont have a vehicle. Anyways, I'll keep that for later and come back to what I actually want to talk about. My long flight journey from Mumbai to Florida!

The Journey Legs
I was booked on KLM-NW. And the whole journey consisted of 3 arduous legs. The last one not as much as the first two. There was an 8 hour leg from Mumbai to Amsterdam. A one-hour lay-over in Amsterdam, and then the next 8 hour journey from Amsterdam to Detroit. In Detroit there was a 3 hour stop-over and then the last 4 hour flight from Detroit to Fort Lauderdale. Thus the total travelling time was 24 hours.

Prelude To The First Flight
Just thinking about the journey legs, I was feeling tired. Finally, came Sunday the 27th of November, the day of my departure. Although my first flight was supposed to leave on the 28th of November, it was in the middle of the night (read 02:00 am). So I had to reach the airport by 11:00 pm Sunday night to avoid the rush for the check-in and immigration. I called my friend to drop me off at the airport and told my mom-dad-sis-bro, not to come to the airport. On the way to the airport, we met another friend and we "hung-out" at a small "dingy" eatery outlet at the airport. Finally when I went inside the airport, it was around 11:30pm. Trying to locate the KLM check-in counter was a bit of an ordeal.

Now the thing about flying into the US is the security. Although you get your baggage screened thru the X-Ray machine, they still do a manual check. My whole issue with this is that, if they have to do it manually why do the X-Ray thingy and if they have to do it using the X-Ray machine, why do it manually. Somehow, I manouvered myself such that I narrowly missed the manual check and got both my bags checked right through to US. Everything else was uneventful and after security check I was just waiting for boarding.

The First Flight
While packing, I had taken care that I have atleast something to keep me busy in the flight. I had taken a book with me, and also my portable MP3 player. I started off using the MP3 player, was listening to some music. After sometime I got bored of it and started to read the book.

I was reading "Catch 22" a "supposed to be good book" written by Joseph Heller. It was highly recommended by lots of my "avid bookreading" friends. So I had bought it. The thing about that book is that I have never been able to go past the 4th chapter. Somehow whenever I start reading the book, I end up either getting bored and put down the book or feeling sleepy.

This time it was the latter, because of lack of sleep the previous night and also the "book effect". So I went off to sleep.

The Transfer
The transfer at Amsterdam airport was a bit hectic. I got out of the plane at Amsterdam and started to look for where I should go. My flight was at 08:00 but the boarding time mentioned on the boarding pass was 06:15 and my flight from Mumbai landed only at 06:45 or so.

After a bit of an ordeal running here and there, catching hold of an official to get help, I arrived at the gate from where I was supposed to go to Detroit. I had slept only for 2 hours or so in the first leg of the flight and I was feeling very very sleepy.

But then we had landed in Amsterdam in the morning, and I didnt want to sleep. So I remained awake and tried to watch a movie. The movie was a real funny one and was quite entertaining. So I touched neither my MP3 player nor the book. Frankly speaking, when you have too many options, you will probably be lost as to what option to choose. That was exactly the case with me.

Anyways this leg was also fine and now I was thinking about the worst part - the immigration at Detroit.

The US Port Of Entry
Detroit is a nice airport, its not too big but its not small either. The US regulations require any person landing in the US to first do immigration, then get the baggage and clear it through Customs and then do a re-checkin.

Actually, I was not worried about the customs, I was more worried about the immigration. I had to get a 3 month entry into the US because the shorter the date on my I-94 the more problem for the work. Somehow I could convince the immigration officer that I need to have a 3 month stay permit. I showed him a letter given by my company and so finally he gave me a 3 month date.

The Last Leg
You know its a very Psychological. If you are undertaking a big activity at first you are extremely enthusiastic about it and work at it with all vigour. During the middle stages you are very solid and stoic. But as the end nears, you feel that its a long way to go. Sometimes a feeling fo so-near-yet-so-far, creeps in.

That was just the case with my flight to the US. The last 3 hour Detroit - Fort Lauderdale flight was extremely tiring for me. First because of lack of sleep and second because there was nothing else I could do but to fall asleep. The opposing polarites leaving me in a quandry. The feeling of when will the ordeal get over started taking over me. Trust me, the last 3 hour flight seemed even longer than the 8 hour stretches earlier on.

And Finally...
So after 22-23 hours...I finally reached my destination only to know that my friends were not there at their appartment and I had to wait outside the house for almost an hour for them to come and open the door. Now that was the last thing I needed especially after having endured an extremely tiring journey. But as luck would have it, I had to! There was no other choice.

So after having left my house at 23:00 the earlier day, I reached my final destination at 17:00 hours the next day but the difference is I had travelled almost 25 hours! Oh My God! Thats Wierd!!!