Time for Thought

Oh Moi God...I cant believe that its more than a year since my first blog post. Time flies so fast. So much has happened since then. The really bad rains in Mumbai, the change of client and project on my work front, the partial interest in MBA, my first new house in Mumbai, my first long term US trip, reunion with friends in the US, Sister's engagement, bomb blasts in Mumbai. Yeah definitely lots.

And now when I think back, what do I feel? Elated? Thinking that everything's gone according to plan? Dejected? Because everything's backfired? Happy? Because of what I've achieved? Sad? Because I've lost lots? Old? Because I'll be 30 soon? Young? Because I've still not fallen in love? What is it?

The honest answer is - I don't know. One thing that I certainly know is that I feel nostalgic and an infinitesimal amount of regret. Regret of what could have been and what is? Its the price you pay by living in the spur of the moment. But then, thats the way it is! Life.

Many-a-times, I really do wonder, what am I doing? What am I supposed to do? Why am I here for? What will it be when I am gone? Will my birth and death be just some date in a calender which will soon be forgotten? Oh My God! I dread that feeling. The epitaph on my grave might read - Here lies a poor soul who until his end searched for his life's purpose; And didn't find it! And that is my greatest fear. Not death but the fact that I might not have achieved anything in my life.

No..this post was not written under the influence of alchohol. Its my truest and most honest feeling. And I sincerely fear this!

And hence my prayer to the omnipotent, omnipowerful, almightly lord - Nainheen Ko Rah Dikha Prabhu! Tama Soma Jyotir Gamay! Dear Lord lead me from darkness to sunshine.