Friday, October 05, 2007

Musings of the idle mind

He sits alone in a conference room. The door locked from inside. Feeling slightly cold, a tad lonely. Waiting...apparently for something to happen. Staring into the blank wall. Blinking his eyes every few seconds. His ears intent on listening to even the smallest little peck of a sound. Its quiet...very quiet, but the quietness is intermittently broken by the wind hitting against the door. The lock on the door shudders each time the wind swishes through the corridor outside. Duh-da-da-da. Its sudden and unexpected - the shudders. Sometimes startling him. What's happening outside on the corridor - he wonders. Many people leaving work - thats whats happening. He thinks. He swears. He curses. Curses the fact that he has to work late. Off late work seems to be piling up more and more. So much that he had to work on Saturday and Sunday last weekend.

His conscience pricks him. WORK?? - it asks. Oh yes! Updating blog settings is work alright - it shouts. He hears it so loud, it seems like a scream. Duh-da-da-da. But I did work too - He says. But to no avail. He shakes his head vigorously - as if to shrug it off. But the echoes keep ringing. He diverts his thoughts, tries to concentrate on work. He's determined to finish it by tomorrow. If it gets done I can enjoy the weekend a lot more - He thinks - Ah the weekend! Here it is at last. Duh-da-da-da. A faint smile breaks through his stern jaws. This weekend he wont be working. Wow - he thinks - A break atlast.

He kicks himself..."Stop thinking about all this - you fool. You have work to do. Now get back to it".

A while later....

He feels his neck. Its is a bit strained from the constant upright position. He leans his neck back, feels it stretch, feels it make a few creaks and then back upright. His butt is weary from having sat on the same lousy chair for almost 3 hours now. He wants to get up but he cant. Duh-da-da-da. It is almost as if he is glued. Glued to his chair, glued to the room, glued to the building, glued to the city, glued to the country. He tries to shrug off this thought and does so with great difficulty. He stretches his legs, they feel old. They are getting old - he thinks. Yes nearly 30 long hard years. He lets out a big yawn and stretches his hands as wide as they can be parted. Duh-da-da-da. What has he achieved? - he thinks. He's travelled a lot of places; seen wonderfully beautiful cities; has a good designation at work; has a not-too-bad salary. There's something in the near future he's definitely looking forward to - his new house. But all of this seems so senseless. He feels an emptiness and also an almost inexplicable sense of non-achievement. Duh-da-da-da.

Has he missed the fun part of life in running after good job, good money, good travel, good house - he thinks - He didnt run after these, it just came to him. If not this then what is it?? He sees his friends getting hitchced, he secretly envies them. In some cases almost to the point of not talking to them. He's jealous. Afterall he's human. He has never been hitched, never had a girlfriend, never walked with anyone holding hands on the beach enjoying the waves kissing the feet under a full moon night. NEVER EVER! Is he selfish? Is he mean? Is he not handsome? No. No. Maybe not. Then why hasnt he found his match? The questions haunt him, posing more questions for which he has no answers. Absolutely NONE WHATSOEVER. If it were somebody else, he would have said "No Comment" but he cant ignore his conscience. His inner self. His being. His soul.

7 comments:

Vidya said...

I feel the "pain", if you will. But here is my two cents. Things in life happen for a reason and happens in its own pace.
If we let it get it to us, then we are going to work ourselves to a state of desperation that we are useless not only to ourselves but also to others.

What I am trying to say is that "he" is right in acknowledging that there is an emptiness or uneasiness in life. But lets not ask the question "why". Instead focus on asking "how"
:)

Vidya

Ram said...

@Vidya
thanks for sharing your two cents. i'll ensure that its conveyed to "him".

-Rama.

Keshi said...

I agree with Vidya. I feel this post...Im hv the same feelings abt life and u hv no idea wut life is like to me Rama! but I tend to 'forget' those and somehow live for the moment. That really helps.


Keshi.

Divya said...

momentary spurs of emptiness, spasms of dejection, a pinch of anxiety -- they give way to the state of mind described here. One must not question the existence of these phases, but live it through to come out of them happy, since questions are endless and the answers very few!

Ram said...

@keshi
Thanks for your advice. "he" (i'm sure) will keep that in mind.

@Divya Das
You are so very right. Thanks for the encouraging words.

-Ram.

Mumbai Matinee said...

Speechless man ..
What a post ..
DUDE .. not cheerin u up for the heck of it ...
But trust me .. u not havin a gurl friend does not in anyways make u inferior in any aspect .. .
U r a super rockin ..Twin turbo Charged Engine ...
The gurl who enters ur life will be one lucky one and its just a matter of time .. when u will do all that u just mentioned ..
and when u will do it .. u will do it so beautifully that everyone else will envy ur gurl ....
Patience my boi .. Patience ...
WAIT N WATCH WHAT U HAVE IN STORE FOR U >>>
MARK MY WORDS >>>
DELHI DOOOR NAHI HAIN ...
Hang in there buddy .. u have achieved more than a lot can only dream of ...
Peace ..
Cheers ...

Anonymous said...

Duh-da-da-da Glued to his chair, glued to the room lol
rama-chan, i think u are a very good writer!! i like ur sense of humour even tho this post is serious.
maybe we should go to Sydney and hold hands with keshi-chan, enjoy the waves and nice meals someday :)
take care and happy sunday!!